My husband commented that suddenly, I have exploded. I feel bigger. I feel more awkward, more cumbersome. The belly is itchy at times, and the stretch marks I had from before are growing red and angry looking. It is getting difficult to put on socks and tie my shoes. Fortunately, some days here have totally been sandal weather.
My friend hosted a blessingway for me last weekend, which is kind of like a baby shower, but not really. We had a small handful of guests attend, and the ritual was very calming and freeing. I felt very loved and supported as we released fears, shared memories and stories and meaningful quotations. I am truly blessed by the friends I have made here, both those who sat with me in the circle on Saturday and those who were with me in spirit but unable to attend the official event.
I’m feeling more ready now. Though I am still anxious about various things in life, I’m feeling pretty good about the new family member itself. We’ve got a lot of change heading our way, and I know that James is definitely feeling a little more freaked out the closer we get. I know the baby thing is just a part of it all, but sometimes he seems more full of dread than excitement, and I’m not always sure how to respond to that. I know it will all be okay. I for one can’t wait to meet “Baby X,” and I think it will actually be quite nice not to be pregnant anymore.