Entering into the home stretch. And stretch it is. Skin is starting to itch at night. It’s not so easy to get comfortable. Long shifts at work seem longer.
Everyone still says I look great, but I feel so heavy and tired. Baby is very strong, but fortunately, the entirely sleepless nights are still few. Though they do occur.
In pictures, I still look so small. In life, the belly is completely taking over. It’s uncomfortable to have M on my lap because of how his body rubs against the baby bulge. I am excited about organizing my home. I am enjoying the brighter, warmer weather. There are many things left to do. I am trying to release fears and prepare myself for becoming a mother of two. Sometimes I feel like I know this baby very well. Other times, I am certain I have no idea what our family is in for.
Having not written anything for a few weeks, it is difficult to assign the above thoughts into their exact date range. But the last few weeks have included all of those feelings. I had another prenatal appointment earlier this week where I found I’d lost some weight again. I need to do better with meat. With vegetables. And drink more water. Someone asked me if I was due in June or July, and where I was perfectly content to be pregnant with M forever, this time, the thought of this pregnancy extending that long made me dizzy. I am heavy and slow moving. I am uncomfortable in almost every position, especially when it’s time to change positions. I know that the comment about a summer due date was a comment on my size, my smallness, but it’s awkward for me to accept the compliment because of how distended I already feel.
We had a photo shoot yesterday with the very generous photographer who used to employ me. Even James and M had fun, and I’m really excited to see how the shots eventually turn out. From what we could see on the camera, it looks like there will be many beautiful images from which to choose to commemorate this pregnancy and this time in our family life.
We were posing for one shot where M and James had their arms around me and M said, “This is a trap of love for you, Mommy.” It was a moment that hopefully captures how I feel when I wake up in the morning with the arms of my loves wrapped around me. If it is indeed a trap, I can’t think of how or why I’d ever want to escape. I hope that Baby X can feel all this love, too, and that my family never actually feels trapped by love but rather, free.