Baby X has been wiggling all around. I even saw my stomach twitch the other morning. But still no one else seems to be able to feel it. I think that the men in my household just lack a certain amount of patience (really? Those guys? I never would’ve guessed). Anyway, I’m hoping that once James can feel and bond a little better with the squirmy little creature in there, he won’t be quite as freaked out about the whole having another baby thing.
To be honest, having gotten used to being around a child–this person with opinions and stories and wild imaginations and bad dreams and everything–the idea of a baby is kind of intimidating at times. And maybe James and I both have skewed memories of the baby days with M. I remember that it was hard. I know that I felt downright abysmal at times. But overall, I did enjoy having a baby. And having more of a mom network in addition to an amazing four-year-old for company in those early months that can be so isolating, I’m excited to do the baby thing again. I’m looking forward to a few cute new diapers, using all those tiny clothes and my old baby sling (or a new one I’m considering making), breastfeeding and watching a sibling relationship build and grow between my two kids. I’m excited to see James hold a newborn again, knowing that all the rocking, bouncing, cradling and cuddling will all come back to him when he gets to meet that new little piece of our hearts.
However, right now he seems more focused on the fact that diapers are yucky and they cry and cause so much sleep deprivation and mommy blues he was never quite sure how to help or cure. I think he’s freaked about a lot of things, and he’s flat out admitted that he’s just not quite emotionally prepared for a new baby yet. Fortunately, we’ve still got about four months to go, but in the meantime, there are a couple of significant aspects of our lives that are currently up in the air, and I know that all the uncertainty surrounding the year ahead can’t be helping his confidence.
Anyway, I’m sure having a new baby will be tougher than my optimism is anticipating. But I also know that it’s going to be much better than all the pessimism of my spouse. What it all boils down to is that this baby will, without a doubt, be loved beyond all measure and welcomed gratefully and wholeheartedly. So keep kicking, little Baby X, and we’ll do our best to be ready to meet you when you’re ready to be met.