Fortunately, daylight savings time lasts a little longer every year. At least that’s how it seems. Didn’t we used to fall back before Halloween?
Anyway, with the early darkness comes the start of my winter funk. I’ve been dreading it this year because of the added pregnancy funk moods, add a bunch of stress and a good portion of grief into the mix, and I’m seriously considering actually finding a counselor for real this year. I’m pretty sure I’m not going to be able to get through it on my own this time.
I come to this spot every year around November. Things are just dark. Tonight, I was driving behind my husband to pick out a new stand for our TV at Ikea, and when we got there, he commented on how serious I looked on the way. It just so happens, driving is my thinking time. I think about things I need to do, problems that need solving and potential solutions for said problems. I think about life, the universe and everything, so yeah, I guess I can look pretty serious when I drive.
I’m also very influenced by the moods of people around me, especially my spouse, who was having a frustrating time trying to fix his computer while simultaneously cook a delicious dinner. I don’t like to cry in front of people. And husbands seem to take it personally and then want to “fix it.” So I went to the bathroom.
I think I do need a day or an afternoon where I can just curl up and get the sobs out. I envy my four-year-old that way. When he’s having a rough time, like yesterday when I had to wake him after he fell asleep on our drive home from our friends’ house, he just wails, lets it all out. He knows that mom’s arms are a safe place for that kind of thing. And even though I know that there are arms available to be such a place for a grown someone like me, it’s hard to let the guard down enough to truly find that release.
I’ll be okay. My husband, though he isn’t always 100% in tune with my emotional fluctuations (and if you tell me yours is, I’ll call you a total liar), he’s got a good heart, and he’s there for me. I’ll find a way through this winter. Because there’s a great spring waiting for me on the other side.