Hi. I’ve missed this place. I usually love coming over and writing for a bit when life gets weird and stressful. When there’s a lot on my mind. But lately, I’ve been more inclined to do than to sit and to write. Which is both good and bad. It’s bad because I like having a record of my life, my thoughts, my growth, my journey. I like to keep the memories of sill things that are going on in my house, like my son asking to go to the hand store because he doesn’t have enough hands to hold all his lightsabers at the same time, so obviously he needs a few more.
I like to go back through the running commentary or pro and con lists about serious choices that have yet to be made. For as long as I can remember, I have used words to organize my chaotic brain. Writing allows me to push away all that confusion so I can see a little more clearly. Writing a blog, on the other hand, is more confining. When I know that my friends and family will come upon my words, not to mention strangers, I’m more careful than when I put pen to page in the privacy of my own home. I’ve struggled with this before, because, well, I’ve seen what happens when people forget that not every story is theirs for the telling, or even one that should be told for that matter.
There’s this car commercial I’ve seen several times lately. A twenty-something girl is going on about how her parents have no life because they only have a handful of Facebook friends while she has hundreds. Meanwhile, the parents are out in the mountains biking or canoeing or doing some fun active activity with a handful of their real-life friends. It’s a little bit deeper than I’d expect from a television commercial, but it illustrates something that’s been on my mind a lot since the Internet got so freaking easy and engulfing. It’s the same problem I have with what the television does to me. It holds me in thrall. It’s hard to turn away. To get on with living. With doing.
I’ve noticed that there have been missed opportunities with the people in my life. Because of my computer. It’s become a barrier. As much as it has helped me to connect, it has also caused me to disconnect somewhat from those who really matter to me. Namely, my husband and son. Mostly my son. M can be very independent these days, amusing himself by building any number of guns and lightsabers and swords and traps and “crushes” and such out of the couch pillows. So much so, that I forget sometimes how much he still needs my presence, my attention, undivided and undistracted.
So I’ve been trying to keep my little netbook closed. To keep my mind quieter. To give him more of me. To relax and enjoy more of him. There’s still a lot going on. A lot to figure out. But doing more and being more to the people I love is taking priority right now over the Internet. I’ve been slacking on Facebook, using it mainly to connect in person. I started poking around on Google+, but it has yet to live up to the hype for me, and I don’t feel like it’s worth the time investment right now to figure out whether or not it will. I haven’t been writing, here or anywhere, really. But I’ve been trying to do more doing, which I think is going well. Because it feels pretty good.