Nude Party

From her end of the phone, my mother-in-law could hear her grandson’s wailing. She was talking with her son while I tended to my son’s immediate need, a dry diaper. As soon as the wet one came off, the crying stopped as though a switch had flipped. “I’ve never heard a baby cry so hard about a wet diaper,” said my mother-in-law. Well, it so happens, that’s what ours does.

Last night I performed a highly scientific experiment. I’ve often noticed that Michael will make it known to his caregivers approximately three milliseconds after soiling a diaper. A lot of the time, he’s pretty nonchalant about it, starts kicking his legs as if to say, “Get these dirty drawers off my sweet little butt,” or wiggles around and fusses when he’s in the middle of a delicious milky meal. Sometimes, though, he cries and cries and cries.

During one of yesterday’s many dirty-for-clean exchanges, my son immediately stopped crying and fussing upon removal of the offending wet garment, but started right up again when the dry one was secured into place. So, very scientifically, I hypothesized that maybe it’s not a matter of wet vs. dry but rather one of on vs. off. So I experimentally removed the dry diaper. The crying stopped.

The two of us stared at each other for a little while, one of us completely nude from the waist down, and wondered what these findings could possibly mean for our relationship and our future together. He kicked his little legs in the air with glee, but I remained cautious with a strategically positioned open palm, you know, so as not to “compromise the results” of our little experiment. After awhile, I informed him that I must eventually diaper up his bottom at least until he is able to tell me before he has to use the toilet and in a language that I will be able to understand. He seemed surprisingly unphased by the news.

As far as I can determine, these recent developments will lead to one of the following occurances:

  1. Early potty training. He already goes a whole night without wetting, which of course means that the first diaper of the day is soaked through and practically dripping, but I’ll take it as a good sign that at least we won’t have a bed wetting issue to deal with later.
  2. A bottomless toddler tearing through the house, multiple games of “find the diaper,” and many, many carpet cleanings and other such mopping up around the house. I’m all for having a little “naked time” every once in awhile, but if there are uncontrollable little bladders and bowels involved, I’m suddenly a little wary.
  3. A combination of 1 and 2.

In the meantime, a little bit of “airing out” between diapers makes him happy, so I’m glad to oblige (wearing proper eye protection, of course), and we’ll just have to see which way things go once he becomes more mobile and aware of how all those appendages of his work.

P.S. Congrats to everyone who made it through the blop, and there’s always next year if you didn’t quite get there.


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