Most of the time, I just feel pudgy. Not at all obviously pregnant, though maybe that’s just me. According to friends and my mother, it’s definitely getting there. The best time I have with my shape, though, is when I’m awake in bed, on my back or my side, in the morning just waking up, or just before falling asleep at night. The roundness is distinct. It’s detectable. Even though when I stand up and get dressed, I could merely be mistaken for having had a big lunch if you didn’t know any better. But it isn’t lunch at all.

Sometimes this body’s transformation is difficult to deal with. I won’t lie. It makes me a little bit sad when I can’t even fit my legs into my blue jeans anymore. Not to mention my butt. I try not to dwell on that stuff, though. I feel good, I’m eating well, and even though I could probably do a little better on the exercise and the eating, I’m not too concerned. I’m not really worried about every little thing that still could go wrong here. Instead, I skip those “danger” passages in the baby books and focus on the good stuff ahead.

Sometimes, I think I might be feeling those first flutters of fetal movement, but usually I feel those things when I’m half dreaming. So it’s hard to tell if it’s coming from my mind or somewhere in the digestive tract instead.

I think when I finally feel the little one tapping out a quick and definite hello, I will feel a little bit more confident in this ever-changing shape. But even now, most of the time I like watching myself get rounder, however subtle the change is from day to day. But one of the things that makes me feel great is watching how James lights up as he sees my roundness blooming. He says he loves the way I look and will only love me more the rounder I get.


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