Uncorked

I’m of the opinion that it’s good to feel a feeling. When I’m sad, I tend to cry, even if it’s only a tear or two for a minute alone in the bathroom. If I’m mad, I clench up and don’t talk. I also don’t talk if I am feeling awkward or if I’m feeling something that I can’t show at the moment I feel it. I get quiet if I have to save my feelings for later. I get quiet when I don’t know what I’m feeling, quiet until I can articulate it to myself or allow it space to form in quiet black and white written words.

When I am in a good mood, I talk. I talk a lot. I talk a lot of nonsense when I’m feeling good. I am easy with my smiles when I am happy and excited, and I am quick to laugh. I am active when I’m happy. I play and clean and do things that I should have done days or weeks ago when I was not feeling as joyful. I’m generally content and happy with life, but you know how days go, some days you’re more in tune with the happy, some are more blah and tinged with heavy sighs.

I think it’s important to feel a feeling. Even if it’s bad. If we don’t allow ourselves to go through a feeling, especially the negative ones, then we get bottled up and explode into a wild mess of crazy. And we can feel our feelings without making a big fuss about them. I like to contemplate the lower feelings in solitude. Sometimes I like to vent the angry over a cup of coffee with a good friend. I revel in the happy with people I love. It’s important to me to have various outlets with which to express my emotions.

I admit I have dramatic tendencies. It can take me a minute or two to realize that however I feel, it’s not going to be the end of the world or even anywhere near that big a deal. Occasionally, I have to breathe and step back and look around at everything else that’s going on, and then I can take my feelings for what they are–part of my experience. What I don’t always like about being in an emotional place is that sometimes, I don’t know how to fully experience and work through my emotion. I write it, but sometimes that’s not quite enough, even though it may be the only avenue open to me at the time.

I don’t consider myself an anxious person. But what if I have been inadvertently bottling stuff up and am more stressed than I think? And if I am stressed, what can I do that I don’t do already to relax? I watch television, but usually I’m feeling like I should be doing something else instead of sitting there doing that. I read and write and draw, and I get absorbed in that, but my meticulous drawings, though I find them soothing, often require a tense sort of focus to execute. Same with writing. I get a little over-involved when writing, especially poetry. So should I exercise? Run instead of walk? Take baths? Have a glass of wine? How does someone who isn’t even sure she’s stressed relax? And don’t say sex because I do that a lot, and it’s awesome.

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