I gave birth to four babies last night. Four! Two boys, two girls, all needing food, diapers, and college tuition. I named them and swaddled them and set them on the coffee table for everyone to admire. I took their pictures and said, “look at what I’ve gotten myself into now.”
It was a dream, of course, but when I woke up, I was not entirely relieved. You see (here is the part where I get all psychoanalytical), I believe these four babies each represented an aspect of my life that is giving me some unrest, and I think that the items that they represent are fairly obvious. Count them again, shall we? 1. School, yeah, there’s the class, which has another sonnet due tomorrow night (can’t we just be done with the sonnets already?), and the impending exam, for which I am still woefully unprepared; 2. Home/money/moving, which I lump together because they really are all one big caravan of headache; 3. Work, yeah it’s not stressful in itself, but I’ve got to be there every day, got to figure out what to do about the Borders situation, got to make sure I bring home my share of the bacon; 4. Kind of up in the air over this one… I think the fourth thing is my artwork and website, which I’m anxious to see succeed enough so that I can someday make a living without needing my 9-5 gig, but the fourth thing might also be the rapid approach of the next phase in our life’s plan, the one-at-a-time children that are calling to me from the horizon. Okay, so I have some level of control over all of these events in my life. Yet they are all fighting for my attention at the same time. Pulling me in four different directions with their four hungry mouths.
But you know what? Even though I’ve got my worries and stresses and deadlines and duties, I almost tend to do better this way. I’ve turned off the television more and more instead of just sitting there doing nothing but building up more anxiety. I’ve been writing some really neat things, and all while trying to figure out exactly where I’m going to put my new papasan chair and what color I want my kitchen walls to be. I’ve added a couple new designs to my CafePress store, and I’ve gotten some positive feedback from the shirts I’ve been wearing around town myself. And until I can get the poster sales properly off the ground, I think that’s going to have to be my best bet for making a buck or two off of my often futile attempts at art-making.
Looking at the four babies laying there on the coffee table in my dream, I felt so helpless, useless and lost. But when I woke up, I realized that all I had to do was pick up one at a time, and everything would happen as it should. So, this is what I will try to do. And even though I have to devote part of every day to each one, when I’m with one, the least I can do is to give my full attention.