I am in pain. I played some softball on Sunday. Not a whole lot, but there was throwing and hitting and catching and running involved. The ache/tightness that’s still lingering is in my back, specifically the lung area. This is not helping me to breathe like I probably should be doing more deeply.

The past few days I’ve been distracted by the beating of my heart. I have not been able to sit still. I have felt nervous and scattered. I don’t know if this has something to do with school being back in session or with another thing. Maybe it’s a combination of things. At least I’ve been able to sleep. If I wasn’t sleeping, I think I’d be more worried.

As it stands, I’m thinking I might have a case of anxiety. I haven’t looked deeply into the medical implications of the way I’ve been feeling, just that I probably need to relax a little bit and talk some about what’s bothering me. Or write some. I have a hunch that my creative words, that is, poetry, have become sick of my slacking. Not that I’ve been trying to slack, really, I have been wanting to write poems for awhile, but not having a poetry workshop to bring them to really slows down the need to produce them. So, lately, I’ve been jotting things down here and there, and I’ve probably got the beginnings of three or four poems in the making. This makes me glad, but also gives me a something else feeling. One that I can’t really define. One that I’m not sure is even real.

I wonder if I should take a yoga class or something. But going to a gym, paying money, signing up for a membership, everything involved with that makes me anxious just thinking about it. And would I really be able to relax into my breathing once the ordeal of getting to a class was behind me? Would it be enough of a treatment to make me want to go back? The conclusion I usually reach is no. So, I’ll try to get into a routine with my home video pilates, and hope that it helps some. Maybe I’ll see what changes might be beneficial to my diet, and try something along those lines.

In the meantime, I’ll breathe through my pain, read and write what’s required, and try to take care of my body and mind as best I know how.


2 thoughts on “Anxiety?

  1. Shari says:

    I suggest going out and buying the “Goddess Workout” belly dancing 3-DVD Set. The instructor has a most soothing voice and I found that it’s quite fun and even relaxing (mind numbing?) to focus on your hip movements in a mirror. Like a more aerobic form of Yoga. And more fun than Yoga. And more versatile on a dance floor than Yoga 😉

  2. Brighty18 says:

    Hi, Sara. I might also suggest meditation. No, seriously, don’t laugh. In Boston and Tacoma, Andrew and I went to various Buddhist meditation centers, but so far here we just sit (jargon for meditate) on our own. You can go to any Zen center for free (and no, you don’t have to be Buddhist) and learn the basic concepts or you can buy a very inexpensive book and go from there. There are centers for places like the Kwan Um School of Zen and there are lots of great books by Thich Nhat Hanh. We have the cushions and the whole proverbial bit, but that is really not necessary. Mediation is wonderful for your body, mind and the connection between them. In fact, it makes you feel connected to everything. The focus is on silence and mindful breathing and, contrary to popular belief; it is not about making your mind blank. Instead, it is about making your mind calm and recognizing thoughts for what they are: thoughts. It also does wonders for your posture.

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