My friend Lindsay had a party last night. It was not a huge gathering, but there were plenty of people I felt comfortable enough with so as not to make me feel like a huge loser going all by myself. I met some new people, chatted with my old poet friends, and generally had a good time.
But after the party ends, I have this horrible habit of reflecting back on the conversations I had (during the consumption of a glass or two of white wine) over the course of the evening, and I worry about what I said, and how much. I have come to realize that I often do too much talking and not enough listening. I have tried to be more conscious of this in order to work on it, but it does get more difficult when alcohol gets involved.
I’m afraid that I often come across as very self-absorbed and demanding of attention. Looking back on last night, I remember a lot of things that were said to me, so I’m thinking I probably did okay with the whole even exchange of words and thoughts and everything. But I’m also pretty sure that there were moments when I should’ve just stopped talking. At least I only blabbed about myself. The whole gossip thing is something else I’m trying to work on. Better that I say embarrassing things about myself than spill someone else’s embarrassments all over.
Anyway, I’m glad that Lindsay and her husband played host to us all, and I’m glad that I’m doing somewhat better with my social shortcomings. However, I am not at all glad that two glasses of wine made me feel very bad all night, which means I probably need to limit myself to one glass of wine, or one drink, from now on and add alcohol to the list (right under lactose) of things that my body will no longer tolerate in significant amounts.