So, every once in awhile, I google myself (sounds dirty), just to see where I stand in the mess of the internet. To see what people who might think to google me would find. I don’t like it. And I’ll tell you why.
When I google my name (maiden name, that is, because my married name is both new and generic enough that very little that is related directly to me actually comes up), I find past mistakes. You know, things that you wish would just disappear, but because you have no control over the internet or the websites that house your mistakes, won’t. Now, I’m not talking internet porn or racy naked pictures or anything like that. What I’m talking about is merely poetry. Some things that maybe I don’t want to be associated with anymore. Things I’ve changed my mind about, or even that I hesitated on in the first place, before I realized my intuition deserves more credit than I gave it at the time, you know?
I have a few poems in a book that’s available through Amazon. Cool, right? Well, not when you look at the reviews that were written by folks unrelated to the book’s production. Fortunately, I’m not mentioned as one of the “worst” poets in the collection, but damn. Oh, yeah, and I’m omitting the title and direct link on purpose. You don’t need to know that much of my shame.
There’s another poem of mine on a website I’d rather not name, because since submitting the poem there, I have asked to have it removed. But it seems the entire site has gone inert. Therefore, no removals or additions since 2003. However, it is still the number one page that comes up when you google me.
How would I change these search results? Axe the links discussed above, for one. And, since my wedding site comes up with a name search, make that in the top few. Also, in Yahoo, the results include a flyer for when I received that award from school, so that would be nice to have up there. It’s just that a part of me knows (given the incident with the internet stalker person) that there are people out there who might have known me in a former incarnation, but base their ideas on who I was or am by those meager search results.
I’m still not ready to post my full name on this blog for a number of reasons, of which many bloggers are well aware. But I wish that there was a way to get the name from several years and incarnations ago removed from the unforgetful (and unforgiving) internet.