My Internet Stalker

—– Original Message —–
From: rrrrr.lawson@blazemail.com
To: MY WORK EMAIL ADDRESS
Sent: Monday, August 22, 2005 4:56 PM
Subject: the truth

If you are not the Sara M—- who recently married, once worked at a bookstore and claims to be a poets, who is devoutly conservative and hails from Milwaukee, please ignore the remainder of this email and accept my apologies for bothering you. But if you are the above mentioned person…

On your wedding site you asked about the anonymous well-wishers and I am here to provide an answer to some of your queries. Yes, believe it or not, there were people who you offended on a daily basis. In fact, there may still be those people around you. You mean well, Sara, but your tendencies to correct others quickly becomes tiresome. Many have said that you treat everyone as if they were stupid and, in fact, based upon your attitude, I have no doubt that you genuinely think that you’re better, smarter and more efficient than your peers. You quickly point out spelling and punctuation errors (although, ironically, you often make those same mistakes yourself) and have been heard to utter phrases like “I was an English major” or “I am a poet” which hardly serve to endear you to others. You do not need to blow your own horn or run about touting your abilities. When you do it with a certain attitude it becomes alienating and disconcerting to those around you.

Sara, you can be extremely bossy. You appear to take great pleasure in telling others what to do. You’ve done this in social situations as well as at work and school. You’ve even been known to exhibit these tendencies at the poetry readings you host. If you sense someone hesitate to give and answer or do a task you immediately attempt to jump in and “help” them. Unfortunately, this experience can vary between mildly annoying and greatly humiliating for those your correct. You’re not a mean or evil person, Sara, you just treat your classmates, friends and coworkers as if they were tiny imbeciles in need of your assistance. Do you honestly think that you’re so perfect, others are glad to be embarrassed and one-uped by you? If so, you’re clearly wrong!

Sara, you are not a bad person. And you’re not intentionally mean. You just come across as conceited, rude, bossy and condescending. Not pleasant traits in a coworker or classmate or fellow cast member. Nobody hates you. You mean well and you really are smart. You just share it with people way too much.

So, now you guys know. I am the most arrogant, conceited, pretentious, devoutly conservative, offensive, big mouth, perfect, bossy and annoying person that you know. Did you know? I thought I’d share *the truth* with you all, because this anonymous stranger was kind enough to take the time to email me in order to help me see the light and the errors of my ways. I only feel bad that I can’t thank this person directly, as they didn’t even have stones enough to sign their name or give me any specific indication as to who they are, why this was so important a matter as to necessitate a three paragraph email to me at work, or where they know me from other than my wedding webpage. Too bad, I’m sure they would appreciate my gratitude to them for reassuring me that I am not bad or evil after pointing out how bad and evil I am.

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3 thoughts on “My Internet Stalker

  1. Lee says:

    Clearly, I am mistaken, but *I* find the phrase “I was an English Major” VERY endearing. Although your hard-core conservative streak really offends me. Especially when you openly blog about your sex life…

    This person obviously has never had a serious conversation with you, and if s/he has, s/he has no skill for perception of personality. But you’re not an evil or bad or mean person. I thought it bore repeating a fifth time.

    All anonymous internet stalkers are to be publically flogged in the town square. That’s how it is in my world.

  2. Willow says:

    Dude, this is effed up. I can’t believe there are people with literally nothing better to do than rhapsodize about how lame *other* people are. (I have no life, so let’s talk about yours…)

    This is why I shut down my blog.

  3. Shari Wied: ising4erik@yahoo.com says:

    If what you say isn’t important enough to put your name to- don’t say it.

    If you’re too ashamed, scared or don’t want to deal with a response to your opinions- keep your mouth shut.

    Annonymous postings rank down there on the maturity scale with ding dong ditch and crank calls. 10 year olds do that. Adults take responsibility for their actions and words.

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