If only I were a doctor…

Working in a bookstore, I often notice patterns in what people are buying and, presumably, reading. I myself have participated in various reading trends, if mostly out of curiosity. But the latest trend if you can’t guess seems to be the diet book. Everywhere you look, it’s Atkins this, South Beach that, WeightWatchers, Jenny Craig… the Low Carb craze has even dripped right onto the menus of not just Subway and TGI Fridays, but even Burger King, and I would guess, McDonald’s. Even Borders Cafe now offers a low carb alternative to cheesecake. This is where the money is.

And this is why, if I only had a “Dr.” in front of my name or an “MD” at the tail of it, I would be making a killing with my own revolutionary diet. It would be low carb, obviously, and allow dessert occasionally, so you wouldn’t feel deprived, but it would also focus on exercise and willpower. See, everyone’s looking for the quick fix. Even I have some areas I wouldn’t mind quickly fixing, but if you have no willpower, and you don’t exercise, it doesn’t really matter how much fad dieting you do. Your body will stay the same. Besides that, quick fixes don’t last. And if I was any sort of doctor, which I’m not, then people would trust these opinions, trust me enough to pay me for bestowing my wisdom upon them.

Here is what I do know that gives me a fraction of credibility. Because of willpower, better choices in my eating habits, and a regular helping of pilates workouts, I have gone from a size 12-14 to a size 6-8. My old pants hang off my butt, and last time I went shopping for new ones, just for the hell of it I tried on a size six and it did not cut off my circulation. I’ve never been a small girl, always been curvy, always just hoped to be a regular size 8 because I didn’t think my bone structure would allow anything smaller. All I wanted to do was tone up. Get my muscles looking long and smooth, and I figured if I lost any weight in the process, all the better. My big thing for a long time was to prevent the doctor’s office weigh in from announcing my weight with that ka-chunk from the big 50lb square sliding up into the next 50lb range. And I did that. No more ka-chunk. And I feel better. I think I look better. There are still problem areas, but pilates is fun, and healthy eating habits, if I get into them now, will help not only me, but my future family, to live a healthy life.

I’m not into bean curd and wheat germ and all that fancy vegan raw stuff, but I’m trying moderation. And it seems to be working. And you see, if I were a doctor, nutritionist, personal trainer, hell even a psychologist, I could pay off my credit cards, student loan debts, graduate school, and have a huge wedding and a nice long honeymoon with the profits from my bestselling diet book, “Ka-Chunk: How to stop that scale from climbing by getting off the couch and keeping the bad for you foods out of sight” and it’s companion, “The Ka-Chunk Cookbook & Calorie Counter.”


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